I like where I am so far I my thirties though. It's a place I can only describe as content. It's not perfect, and there is still lots of room for improvement, but I'm ok with that right now, hence the contentment.
One of my greatest self discoveries in life has been that you can be happy in almost any situation. That happy isn't always joyful, singing from the rooftops - that would be annoying! But there is a kind of quiet inner happiness I have found that everything will be alright.....somehow, and to try and choose happiness in the mean time.
And that it what I feel right now.
I know I have the gift of being loved. I have my darling husband, my boys, and my family who love me.
Anthony has loved me for thirteen years now. I knew he loved me then, but boy do I know he loves me now! It's that fierce kind of love that I know he truly knows my heart and I know my heart is safe with him. He drives me nuts at times and I'm proud to say I give as good as I get, but even the crazy is livable.
I also have the gift of having people to love. I love having 'my people'. I must admit that my social circle has shrunk somewhat of late with the changes my health, and just life in general, has brought. It hasn't changed my feelings towards these people, just that for now it's hard to do the 'have to's' at times let alone the 'want to's'. I'm ok with this for now though because how things are now might not always be this way, and I want to be happy in the now.
I find a lot of satisfaction is the quiet life I have had served to me on a platter with my back pain and epilepsy. I actual am reveling in it. I knew I was on the quiet side, but at thirty two I now realise I am an introvert. No, not a shut-it, but a genuine introvert. I don't gain energy from socialising in a busy way, even if I enjoy myself socially. I can be out and have a great time, but have this innate need to come home and tuck myself away for a bit because I feel drained and recharge when I am in my home - nice and quiet. I always just thought I got tired easily, but the more mature me has seen something new. I feel excited by a quiet schedule with lots of time to just quietly 'be' and think. It's not boring to me, it's fulfilling. I especially enjoy hanging out with friends just one-on-one. Getting to just have a simple chat and a good laugh is one of my favourite things - particularly when food is involved!
So thirty two year old me is still the same old Jo, just a version that knows myself better and is happier for it. I guess you can say I am all grown up now 😉