When I arrived, I waited a short time and was called in. I had never seen this doctor before, but he seemed pleasant and professional so I didn't waste much time in telling him why I was there and that I was interested in seeing if treatment options for psoriasis have changed/improved over the last few years.
My psoriasis is annoying and has spread as of late, but in the past the treatments were more of a hassle than the actual condition so I have tolerated it whilst it stayed relatively stable.
The doctor explained the treatments he thought would be worth trying and before filling out a prescription he asked if I am taking and medications, in case they would interfere with the treatment.
I listed the 6 medications I take. I explained some are dependent on symptom severity (nerve pain killers) and others are round the clock.
Due to some of them being very strong medications that I need two doctors to approve them every 3 months as well as approval from Canberra, he asked me what I was taking each medication for.
After trying to give the shortened version of why I take them, he shook his head and said;
"Wow! You have certainly got a lot on your plate. It's rare I see someone your age with such health problems, yet you look healthy in the outside."
I politely laughed because there isn't really a response to that comment. I don't feel like my health leaves me with "a lot on my plate", it's just my normal. I really can't remember it being any different.He went on typing and after a few minutes of silence passed he paused and turned to me. With a serious look on his face he said;
"I'm sorry, I know this is a bit of a strange thing to ask, but you just seem so calm and happy but I know you would have to be in a lot of pain right now and I know what else you are dealing with....but how is it that you are happy with your situation? I just really want to know what is your secret?"
Now I get this comment every now and again with people commenting that I seem happy despite being in pain and having seizures etc, but I just laugh it off or say I must be nuts, but this doctor was looking at me like he really wanted a serious answer so an awkward laugh wouldn't have cut it.
Instead, I opened my mouth and said the first thing that came out;
"My secret, is time. Time heals things that medicine can't sometimes I guess."
He nodded and kept staring so I added on;
"Not that I'm physically better at all, I'm sore every minute of every day, but what seemed like the hardest thing in the world a while ago is actually not so hard now because I have had time to adjust, but more so because I am stronger mentally now."
He nodded and went on writing and wished me well, but before I left the room he apologised for not being able to do more for me.
I wish now I could have explained myself better. I wish I could have said that there is no secret. Time really changes your perspective if you let it. I seem happy and calm because I truly feel happy and calm with my lot in life. I have my days and moments of course and I'm not saying it's not difficult, but in many ways I have all I could have hoped for. It is truly hard to be down about the things that haven't turned out how I would have liked when I also have so much to be grateful for.