I have had a recurring thought this past week.
In my everyday dealings with my little family, I sometimes get short or snappy. It may be that I am feeling stretched with a busy schedule, tired and sore, or just the demands of being a mother, but sometimes I get snappy, and I know it.
This past week, I have had the thought;
"How would I interact with my family if I knew I wasn't going to live much longer? If my time was limited, would I treat them differently?"
The honest answer, is YES.
I know it sounds almost morbid to have these thoughts, but it's not that I actually believe I may die soon, more that I know that nothing brings greater perspective on life... than death.
If I knew my time with my family was limited, I would want that time to be full of kindness and warmth. That is how I would want my family to remember their time with me. I wouldn't be concerned with getting out the door on time and whether or not the boys had mis-matched socks on. I would take the time to watch ABC2 on the couch and to have water fights with the hose.
But before death, there is life, and that means sometimes we have to watch the clock or heaven forbid; wear matching shoes. Having my weird little thoughts pop into my head helps me to treat my family the way they deserve. It's a little sad, but it works. I am finding it easier to be patient.
Because more than them having good memories of their time with me, I want their present with me, their day to day with me, to be filled with warmth.